“Let go of Sarah”

Genesis 20:1-18

Warning⚠️ some of you will feel convicted, and the Holy Spirit will start to convict you of things you need to repent of and let go. My prayer is that you receive this with grace and that you start to walk free in Jesus name!

Now in this story, we see a picture that God wants to show us. God can't bless us, pour out His heavenly windows, or create an outpour on our lives if we still have people who we are holding onto. In this passage, Abimelech took Abraham's wife because Abraham said that was his sister Gen 20:2 (which was true to an extent because she was the daughter of his father, but not the daughter of his mother but still his wife.) Although she was his sister but he never told him that was his wife. So he pretty much gave a half truth. So out of his integrity and innocence, he took her. So shortly after, God came to him in a dream and said "indeed you are a dead man because of the woman you have taken, for she is a mans wife" Gen 20:3. He was holding on to someone who he was not suppose to have around him and suppose to let go. And because he was holding on to someone who he was suppose to let go he was cursed, all the wombs in his house was closed and also if he did not let go of Abraham's wife, he and all who is connected to him would die. So God gave Abimelech instructions….he had to restore the mans wife (let go) and the Bible states that after he did that Abraham will pray for him and Abimelech will live. So literally if he let go of Sarah, Abraham would be able to pray for him and healing and restoration would come to his house. But notice if Abraham prayed for him without obeying that 1 instruction, the prayer would not have been answered. But because of Abimelech letting go of what he was holding on, he experienced healing, restoration, blessings upon his own house. Stop holding on to unforgiveness, friends who you're suppose to let go, hurt, bitterness, the past. Because these things are blocking your blessings, your healing, and the outpouring on your life. Be free, let go, and be healed in Jesus name amen. – Villard Pierre Jr (TheGloryCarrier)

Share this with somebody who you know that needs this message from the Holy Spirit! Share it with your friends!! Thank you in advance!!

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16 Ways to know God is speaking to you‼️‼️

God bless you for reading this. I hope this impacts your life in many ways as possible for you to know that God is speaking to you. Understand that God is always speaking but we just don’t know it’s Him. The voice of God is discerned. You need to be able to discern that it’s Him. And that will never happen if you are not in prayer or consistently studying the Word to know His language because God speaks bible. Check this out: in 1 Samuel 3:1-10 God called Samuel name like 3 times, and Samuel kept thinking it was Eli the Priest calling Him. Now check this out: Samuel indeed heard a voice and it’s a good thing that he was aware that he heard something. But it’s just that He didn’t know who was speaking to him. So you must discern that it’s God. Now the Bible says in 1 Samuel 3:7 that Samuel did not yet know the Lord. So when you don’t know the Lord you won’t know who is speaking to you. I know my mom very well because I always talk to her and always around her and I am familiar with her voice. If I was blind folded and 3 different women including my mom was calling my name I would know exactly who it is and where she is. So you must cultivate time in prayer and time in His Word. You have to be around God a lot!

God’s voice:

  1. Comes with conviction and leads to change. – In a certain situation when the pastor is speaking and you are feeling convicted, that is God speaking to you through the minister. When God speaks, it will always lead you to change. 2 Samuel 12:1-15
  2. Comes with direction and instruction – whenever God speaks, He will always come with direction and instruction and will lead you with each step. You won’t get lost! God is not the author of confusion and He will never lead you into dead end places. Genesis 12:1-3 Pslams 32:8 Gensis 22:1-2
  3. You will know it’s God speaking when it requires your faith- It requires your faith because when God speaks to you in a given situation He wants you to rely on Him. God will never speak to you something or lead you somewhere that will cause you to rely on your own self. So whenever God speaks it pulls on faith. It requires you to rely on Him. If you heard something that did not require you to depend on God, it wasn’t God. God gets glory not ourselves! Genesis 12:1-3 Gensis 22:1-2
  4. When God speaks it will always go against your flesh. – God will never speak something that’ll edify your flesh or be in aligned with flesh or sinful desires. He doesn’t speak to flesh, He speaks to Spirit since God is Spirit John 4:24 so if it edifies your flesh, it wasn’t God it was your emotion.
  5. When God speaks it comes with clarity- God is not the author of confusion. When God speaks He is plain and clear on what He says. 
  6. Peace and assurance will follow impartation of faith.
  7. Will always be aligned and pointed toward His Word. It will never be half truths and will always be in context of scripture. – Ex. If you heard a voice that said “have sex with that girl” you know that goes against scripture because the Bible speaks against fornication. Or if you heard a voice that said “lie on your tax returns” you know it’s not God because Bible says lying is an abomination to Him. So it will always be aligned with God’s Word. The devil in Mathew 4 was tempting Jesus giving Him scriptures but they were half truths. Yes he quoted the word but he didn’t interpret it rightly and he did that to get Jesus into temptation. Sometimes the devil will use scripture but just because you hear scripture that does not mean it can be God. The devil know scripture too. You’ll know it’s the enemy speaking when he uses it for selfish gain, self destruction, or to edify the flesh. 
  8. Its way out of the boundaries of your mind – when God speaks it will never be something you are familiar with. Your mind couldn’t come up with it.
  9. God’s voice won’t lead you to sin
  10. Encourages, comforts and lights the path- Psalms 119:105 He will never condemn it’s always a impartation of peace, never depression, or anxiety. 
  11. When God speaks it won’t bring confusion- God is not the author of confusion 1 Corinthians 14:33
  12. Sometimes when God speaks He speaks to you through your own voice. It may sound like you but it’s God using your voice to speak to you.
  13. Sometimes when God speaks your flesh will oppose. When the flesh acts up after you hear God, that’s evidence that God spoke to you- a lot of times when you hear from God, the flesh starts getting rowdy. It doesn’t like what it just heard. It will oppose. That’s why you may have thoughts like: is this really God? God didn’t say that. I think that’s just me. And it will lead you to comtpromise. 
  14. Evidence that God spoke to you is when the enemy will go against what God told you. – the enemy will always try to release fear wherever faith is present. He hates faith. That’s why the devil will tell you: God didn’t say that. Why would God tell you that. You not even fit for that. You can’t do it. Look how many times you sinned before. That’s not possible. Don’t fall for his tactics stand firm!
  15. When God speaks it’s for Him to get glory not ourselves or flesh
  16. God’s voice is calm and still. He speaks in a still small voice. – the issue is not to make God speak louder, the issue is to be quiet enough to hear the still small voice because the volume of God’s voice doesn’t change. But get this, the more quieter we become the more louder His voice would be to us. Isn’t that amazing? Say your mom was talking at a steady level right, the volume is very low the way your mom is speaking and you can barely hear because you have the loud tv in the background. Now you can hear her, but not loud enough. And your mom never  changes the volume of her voice. But when you begin to mute the volume of your tv, now you can hear it clearly and it will seem loud to you. So it’s all about quieting yourself! 

If this has blessed you, begin to share with your friends! I hope this enrichly blesses you and gives you a clearer understanding! Pray this prayer with me:
Father, I come to you in Jesus name. Lord I thank you that you chose me, I thank you that you love me. Thank you in advance Lord for allowing me to perceive that is you. Lord I ask that you bring me to a greater level of hearing you and you help me to discern that it’s you. Mute my life Lord so that I may hear you when you speak. Bring my spirit to attention to what your lips utter. Thank you in Jesus name amen. 


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What’s stopping you from hearing Him?🤔

Welcome👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾 I hope you guys are blessed with this study!!!🤗 share with someone!

Intro:

Before I can start with the study on how to know God voice we must understand what ways we can prevent ourselves from hearing. Understand that God is always speaking. So the issue on why you can’t hear God is not God’s issue but it’s yours. He’s always speaking, but we just don’t know it’s Him. So the issue is not getting God to talk more, but it’s to get ourselves in a position where we are able to know and discern that it’s Him speaking and doing the necessary things that will help us hear Him clearly. Why is it hard to hear God?! Well now I shall explain. 

Reasons why you can’t hear God:


  1. Lack of reading the Word- the reason why you can’t hear the Word is because you don’t meditate on the Word. The Bible is the mind of God written in ink. His mind became flesh(manifested) on paper. To know God’s voice you must meditate on the Word. You never see the Bible say read, but it always says mediate. When you read the Word, you miss powerful revelation, insight secrets and mysteries. But when you meditate your actually taking your time and digesting what you are studying. Meditate means to  think deeply or focus ones mind for a period of time. Too many people rushing through God’s Word and just reading 1 verse or 2 or 3 words in the Bible and think their blessed when that really didn’t do anything. Because the more Word you have in you, the more clearly You’ll hear God because God’s language is biblical. God’s language is bible. And when you don’t know bible you won’t know His voice. So get in aligned with God’s language and get the Word in you. It’s the Word actually that kept David from sinning. Pslams 119:11 Your Word I have hidden in my heart, that I may not sin against you. So you must have the language of the Word so you can understand and know that it’s God speaking to you. 
  2. You don’t pray- the more you pray the more you’ll hear God. Why? Because prayer is a place of communication. When you don’t communicate with God you won’t hear Him communicate with you. He’s always speaking. But because you don’t spend time in prayer and intimacy with Him, you will never notice that it’s Him speaking to you. So prayer is a position place to hear what God has to say. Must spend consistent time in prayer!
  3. You listen to worldly music- I don’t know how much I can stress this. But you can’t expect to hear the voice of God if your listening to cussing music, or sexual explicit lyrics. Look, when God speaks He speaks to you through the Holy Spirit Acts 8:29 , Acts 10:19 , Acts 13:2 . And understand that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit meaning your body is where the Holy Spirit lives in. That’s His house 1 Corinthians 6:19 ! So if you listen to all the bad cussing music your are basically edifying the flesh and weaken your spirit man to even be connected with the Holy Spirit. And in doing that, you weaken your ability to hear God because all of the cussing music and porn lyrics clouding your spiritual ears. When you edify the flesh you are pulling away from the Spirit. So clean out your iPods, your computers, your phones, and listen to God glorifying music. 
  4. You are disobedient- this is a big one. Because people expect to hear God at high levels but are disobedient to Him every time He speaks. Each time you disobey what God has told you, you are weakening your spiritual senses and they can become dull from hearing. Your spirit man gets weak and your flesh gets stronger.Obedience makes you closer to God, disobedience pulls you farther from Him. Disobedience is pride, and pride leads to a hardened heart. “For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture, And the sheep of His hand. Today, if you will hear His voice: “Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion, As in the day of trial in the wilderness, Psalms‬ ‭95:7-8‬ humble yourself! God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble James 4:6
  5. Unconfessed sin- when you have unconfessed sin it can be a hinderance into you hearing God. Make sure you confess and repent! When your living a life of sin, you won’t be able to be spiritually aligned to hear God. Stop partying, stop drinking, stop smoking, stop lying, and being dishonest, masturbating, watching porn and fornicating. 
  6. Your not still- God is not in loud places. He’s in still places. The reason why we sometimes can’t hear God is because we are too noisy in our minds. So much worry, anxiety, depression, mind battles and so much more and honestly we have to quiet our minds. The Bible says “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46:10‬. We must be still, and we have to know that He is God over our situation, our trials, our heartaches and know that He will be able to handle it. Because God speaks in a still small voice 1 Kings 19:12-13 *please read*. You see God is not in loud places…He’s in still places. If you wanna hear God, be still. Quiet your mind, quiet the worry the things that are making noise in your life and be still. A lot of us even sometimes feel like God will thunder down His voice but honestly it’s nice and still. Check out the story from 1 Kings. The Lord was not in the wind, the earthquake or the fire. But He was in a still place. Stop looking for God in loud places. He’s in a still realm!
  7. Too much people- many reasons why people can’t hear God clearly is because of too many lips in their ears. When you got a whole bunch of people in your life saying God says, the Lord says, God told me this, and all that junk it will bring you to a confused place to know His voice for yourself because of all the people saying God is speaking to them to you. Those people you must. It yourself from. Because usually is emotional. 
  8. Your are in your flesh too much- the Bible says God is Spirit John 4:24. God don’t speak to your flesh, He speaks to your spirit. God is in the spiritual realm not the flesh realm. When you are living in the flesh with your desires, sin etc, you won’t hear God. You have to live in the Spirit. You must be connected to the Spirit. You must walk with the Spirit. With many believers, the Spirit lives in them, but they don’t live in Him. When you walk in the Spirit you will be more in tuned with the spiritual realm and more sensitive to His voice. This also comes by fasting. Fasting causes you to live in the Spirit at greater heights and levels. Change your residence change your location. Move out the flesh and move in the Spirit. FAST! 

I hope this message blesses each and every one of you all. Don’t forget to share with friends who are in need of this insight! I pray that this is an edifying Word that may cause you to know His voice at deeper heights! Thank You God bless you! If it has blessed you give me feed back on any of my social media accounts!🙂🤓😜🤗
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What Does God Expect Of Me?

What does God expect of me?
Deuteronomy 10:12-13 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord and His statutes which I command you today for your good? 
Often we ask, “what does God expect of me?” Here Moses gives a summary that is simple in form and easy to remember. Here are the essentials:
1. Fear God (have reverence for Him) 

2. Walk in all His ways

3. Serve Him with all your heart and soul

4. Love Him

5. Keep His commandments (obey Him) 
How often we complicate faith with man made rules, regulations, and requirements. Are you frustrated and burned out from trying hard to please God? Concentrate on His real requirements and find peace. Respect, follow, love, serve, and obey. 

The Root Of Bitterness

Hebrews 12:15 “looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of GOD; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. 
Like a small root that grows into a great tree, bitterness springs up in our heart sand overshadows even our deepest Christian relationships. “A root of bitterness” comes when we allow disappointment to grow into resentment, or when we nurse grudges over past hurts. Bitterness brings with it jealousy, dissension, and immorality. 

 

Bitterness – hard to bear, grievous; distressful
Bitterness and resentment are like twins. Bitterness is a very toxic poison. Having bitterness can stop the blessings of God from flowing in your life. Bitterness negates the fruits of the Spirit from operating in your life. Bitterness literally kills your spiritual life, and it makes you not operate in love and it replaces that for hatred. It’s literally a tumor that can grow in you to literally cause the spirit of suicide to spring up against you and destroy you. Bitterness opens the door for sickness and infirmity. Some people have sicknesses because of poisonous spirits they let attach to themselves, like the spirit of bitterness which comes with unforgiveness and spirit of anger. High blood pressure can accompany these things if not handled properly by prayer and letting go. Like the above scripture, bitterness defiles you. The word defile means to make foul, dirty, or unclean; pollute; taint; debase. To make impure for ceremonial use; desecrate. Having bitterness in your heart makes you unclean, it makes you impure and not able for God to use you. When you have the spirit of bitterness in you, your polluting your Spirit and you get very dirty, and you won’t be able to flow in the Spirit of God accurately cause you have a spirit of bitterness along with its family which concludes unforgiveness, hatred, resentment, ruthless, pain, scornful, and much more. When you have all these different cancers into your Spirit, you have now become on the road to destruction and will get destroyed if not delivered. 
How does bitterness start and grow?

The root of bitterness comes when we allow disappointment to grow into resentment, or when we nurse grudges over past hurt. For example: say you had a boyfriend/girlfriend and you love that person with all your heart but they cheated on you with your best friend and you found out. Now what happens is, first when you find out you get hurt you get sad your disappointed but it turns into anger. The scripture says in Ephesians 4:26-27 26be angry and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27nor give place to the devil. And Matthew 5:21-22 21you have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not murder, and whoever minders will be in danger of the judgment. 22But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother Raca! Shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, you fool! Shall be in danger of hell fire. Killing is a terrible sin, but anger is a great sin too because it also violates God’s command to love. Anger in this case refers to seething, brooding bitterness against someone. It is a dangerous emotion that always threatens to leap out of control, leading to violence, emotional hurt, increased mental stress and spiritual damage. Anger and also bitterness keeps us from developing a spirit pleasing to God. That’s the dangerous of bitterness and it grows when we think about it and the enemy constantly reminds us of how bad that person hurt us and we keep thinking and thinking and the enemy puts lies in our heads and then he tempts us to do things we may regret. That’s why we need to attack it once it comes we cannot let it grow. Bitterness is a seed that will grow until it kills you. It grows daily, when we don’t read our word or pray to release or forgive or let go of the hurt, it will grow.

Dangers Of Being An Unproductive Christian: Bear Fruit.

Hebrews 6:7-87 For the earth which drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom is is cultivated, receives blessings from God; 8 but if it bears thorns and briers, it is rejected and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned.
A land that produces thorns and briers has to be burned so the farmer can start over. An unproductive Christian life falls under God’s condemnation. We are not saved by deeds or conduct, but what we do is the evidence of our faith. You don’t want to fall under the category of an unproductive Christian. We should always be bearing fruit for God, working for God cause what we do is evidence of our faith. But if we don’t do anything how can our faith be made proven that Jesus is real and that we live for Him? What we do is evidence for our faith that’s why the scripture says in James 2:14-17 “14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” The thing is let me tell you this: say you was working at a construction site. You guys are working to build a house and you guys have to paint or remodel the house and things of that nature. Now everybody working doing what they have to do but you are doing nothing but just standing there and not only doing that but your on your phone tending to other things. Do you think the boss is gonna keep you? Nope! Your going to get fired and released from that job because your boss doesn’t want “unproductive people” your going to get cut off! That’s why according to the WORD OF GOD In John 15:2 “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” Jesus says it Himself, your just as good to be cut off. The thing is you cannot bear fruit by yourself. You need Jesus to bear fruit for HIS kingdom. Just like a mango tree, if the branch is cut off how can fruit grow on that branch? Cause it’s no longer connected to the tree. So it’s cut off from its life source. John 15:4 “Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me”. Now just for a quick reference, there are some Greek words for abide:

1. Epimeno: to abide in, continue in

2. Katameno: constant residence

3. Parameno: to remain beside, to continue near 

4. Hupomeno: to abide under, to remain in a place instead of leaving it, to stay behind

5. Prosmeno: to abide still longer, continue with, cleaving into a person. Indicating persistent loyalty; of continuing in a thing.

So you may ask how do you abide in Jesus? You continue in, remain beside, cleaving unto Him, it’s just all about remaining in Him and not separating from Him. NOW, if you don’t abide in Jesus aka being “unproductive” you will be cut away and just as good as garbage. John 15:6 “If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire and they are burned.” Not abiding in Jesus is practicing in sin, being of the world, not reading your Word, or skimp on prayer, or just not staying in Him, and when that happens He has to cut you off from the life source cause your not being a “useful Christian, unproductive” He has to fire you. You’ve become fruitless in His sight. So I encourage you don’t be unproductive, stay productive in Him, stay in His presence. Bear fruits of the Spirit. Cause what you do for God will last.

The Inner Chambers Of My Heart: The Real Me.

Hi my name is Villard Pierre Jr. I’m just a young 20 year old with a calling to be a prophet and to preach the gospel who battles rejection. Fear of rejection and fear of not being accepted for who I am, and not loved because of who I am or even by the people I love. Everybody goes thru insecurities but I feel like I go thru the worst of the worst. As I’m typing this I’m getting emotional and teary eyed cause I feel like I’m bout to come out with something I’ve been hiding for years of how I truly felt. It hurts but I’m tired, sick and tired and I just want to be free. And have peace and joy through my imperfections. Only 1 person actually knows how I feel, I only told only 1 person out my whole life about this and this person is very dear to my heart in who I deeply love. And I find comfort being around that person cause she finds comfort being around me and loves me regardless of my insecurities. But I’m not sure if she knows details of how much this effects me. This insecurity I have is the reason why I make the choices in life today as in staying home not going to school or not going to church or participating in sports or anything else. This is Villard’s true colors, this is Villard’s true heart. It gets no deeper than this. I’m bout to let out everything, and come out the closet and show people my true colors and what I’ve been hiding for years and what I’ve been dealing with and what I’ve been struggling with. Your about to see the true Villard.
I have this bad skin problem. All my sisters dealt with it, all my sisters had a issue with this skin problem. I guess it was passed down from my parents. We didn’t ask for it, it just came. I remember when I first encountered this skin problem, I remember going to the doctors for it to get treated. I didn’t have it all over my body, but like it was something that had to get treated. I remember the medication, that I had to take putting the cream on my skin and stuff. As a little boy, it didn’t effect me I wasn’t insecure I was well it didn’t harm me. But as I grew up throughout the years it’s like it got worse and worse. I remember each day after soccer practice in elementary school I’d pick at my leg in my room. I’d scratch it like crazy, I couldn’t stop. Its like I was addicted to itching. But I was never insecure tho….6 grade it started spreading on my arms and I think my neck. And my thighs as well. But I wasn’t insecure. Time to time throughout the years I had to go to go to the doctor and get checked up. And get new medication, stronger medication cause what I have I can’t just have any cream put on me. I needed something very strong. I remember going to the doctor office and I had to get a shot so I can stop itching. And I had to get cream. The thing is this case of my skin problem is called “eczema” (if you don’t know look it up cause I’m not about to explain lol). Hallelujah to the Father cause it’s not “cancerous”. But yeah, that’s what it is and it’s like each time I go I had to get stronger medication. But throughout that time when I was in middle school I never was insecure. Not even in high school. But I’m gonna skip over to the summer of 2012 basketball season.
Summer of 2012 May – August basketball season. So I was playing basketball for minsky gym. And I got into a pretty good team. But although at the practices and games I would always wear long socks. The reason I did that was because of the spots and stuff that was in my skin. I didn’t want people to see it or make fun of me so I put on long white socks every time we played a game or practice. They went all the way up to my knees. Yes people made fun of me saying “Jason Terry” because I wore long socks or other jokes. But I honestly did not care cause I found comfort in covering my true intent of why I did that. And that’s the thing you don’t want to be comfortable in a fake mask or comfortable in covering your hurt. And I’ll get into that later. But as long as I could cover up my skin and the spots, I was comfortable. I remember when I was 17 when I lost my virginity. Yeah I had the skin problem and I always told myself I have to have sex in the dark if I’m gonna smash a female (😂😭😂) didn’t want the girl to see my body or just not get fully naked. Yeah a little humor but I’m serious!😒 I found ways to smash in the dark and to not reveal my body. But you know not about to get into THAT😊. But yeah you know it was tough for me and basically imma just fast forward it to now. Now my skin is so much worse. It’s all over my body my back my arms my legs thighs my fingers and I have a bad rash on my hands. It’s crazy and I cannot stop itching, I can’t stop itching it’s something that I want to stop doing but I can’t stop. When I try to pray and get into worship, I automatically have an urge to itch and pick at my skin. I still push thru worship and prayer through my itching and picking but I tend to not hit that breakthrough prayer that I want when I itch. And my prayer gets dry cause I’m itching and stopping and picking at it. I hate it I pray to God to help me to stop itching but it gets worse and it’s like he don’t answer me. Its frustrating. People made fun of me saying cookie crum arms or spots. Or just making a scene and making fun of me and it’s hard. Cause when I go home I go home hurt. My skin problem is one of the main reasons why I don’t go to church, and the reason why I’ve been cutting school, not going to the beach cause I don’t want my shirt off and everybody seeing my skin and looking at me weird and in disgust and rejecting me and making fun of me. Also a reason why I don’t wear tank top shirts cause of my arms and my arms got bad. And also a reason why I don’t go swimming. If I do I put a t shirt on so nobody seems my body. I don’t want nobody to see me cause I’m afraid I’ll get rejected and made fun of and looked at as a disease child. That’s why I been wearing long pants lately and wear jackets cause I’m trying to find comfort in hiding my body. Im not satisfied with how God made me. At times I would want to kill myself cause I’m not happy. I never happy cause of my skin. Everybody else has perfect skin and can have fun but the reason why I don’t have fun is cause of my skin. Looking at my skin gives me limitations in life. Tbh I sometimes at times say I don’t want to get married or have a girlfriend. I say that because of my skin. Like who would love me for my skin? Who would love me for the spots that’s on my body? Tbh I don’t think there’s any women who’s willing to see past my skin and love me. I’m scared that I’ll never find somebody to love me for my skin and for me and accept me. I did have this person in my life that love me for me, didn’t matter about my skin and she made me even feel comfortable in myself cause she accepted me. But now we not together and idk if I could even find that person who would actually love me regardless of my spots. That’s why I never try to get with girls that’s why I always thought of myself as ugly cause my skin makes me less attractive. That’s why I sometimes stay afar off and stay to myself cause of my skin. I feel dirty and icky with this stuff on me. When I take showers sometimes it be stinging my skin. It hurts when I take showers at times cause it burns my skin. It’s torture sometimes I wake up with bloody sheets cause I most likely pick at my skin while I sleep. Sometimes my white shirts be bloody cause of my skin of me itching it so much and it leaves a stain that can’t come off. I messed up a lot of good white shirts. My socks get bloody cause of the things in my ankles and feet cause it’s all over me and I pick at my ankles and stuff and my socks get bloody… All the time I gotta sweep my room cause of all the skin particles I scratch off and pick at which is on the floor. This is the real Villard this is what I deal with every day of my life. This is what I’ve been hiding all my life. These little kids at my church looks at my skin and they thinks it’s disgusting and they touch me and wipe their hands on their shirts cause of how nasty it is and it makes me sad. It hurts. I have no insurance no job or money to pay to go to the doctor and get a refill of my prescription. It cost 200 for the visit and the. Over 100$ for both of the medication. And I have no more medication so it’s gonna get much worse. I hope not tho I speak against it in Jesus name. Although I uplift people, I help people, I still deal with this. This is some I’ve been hiding I feel like I’m letting out the true me of how I really feel. I’m very insecure about this. It makes me depressed and sad. I can’t even get into prayer or focus in worship without itching. When I’m out in public I don’t itch but when I’m at home idk whyyyyyy but it’s like I itch like crazy. This is who I am, I’m scared to get rejected and not be loved and looked down upon because of my skin. I’m scared that nobody gonna love me or see no value in me because of my skin. My skin prevents me from being free in myself and to experience true joy and happiness. Today my mom was mad and snapped on me because I didn’t go to school. I didn’t go to school today because the things was spreading on my hands and I had bruises and bumps like crazy. So I got discouraged and stayed home. I didn’t wanna tell my mom why. I don’t think nobody would truly understand but now idc who understands and who don’t. I just want to be healed and free. There’s times I didn’t care about it I thought I was free and I would feel secure cause I have the medication to help me. And the medication was strong it would change the coloration of my skin to this light brown coloration. So it was able to get the job done but I had to be consistent and it takes time to get the bumps down and the black spots to be light. Now I have no medication I’m scratching like crazy. I’m scared to open up about this I can’t talk to just anybody about this. This is super personal. But I have to come out of me. All this is for a reason. If this is one of God’s ways of humbling me, then it’s working 💯% I can never make fun of nobody cause I have a bigger issue myself. When people ask me about my skin I get so offended and mad. I remember I was at my old job and a few people kept coming up to me asking me about my skin and I’d get kinda mad and hurt. I’m afraid to open up about myself and I know one day I had to but didn’t know when. God chose me to have this skin problem for a reason. This is gonna be a huge testimony there is a huge glory out of this. There is a healing coming out of this. I had a dream about being healed years ago. And then one day God spoke to me late night around 3am in the Spirit. Let me mind you my ex always told me your attitude needs to change. And I see it makes sense. But attitude about this wasn’t right, but I didn’t deserve this, I didn’t ask for this….well I was reading my word and like I kept itching and was getting tired of it. It was interfering with the word and I couldn’t focus so I’m like God you don’t know what it’s like to be in my skin you don’t know what it’s like to be me I have this skin problem and you don’t know what it’s like I’m tired of this. And I seen something in the Spirit like a short vision and I seen Jesus getting whipped and blood and his skin was torn up and he was bleeding everywhere had so many lashes and he began to speak and was like “I had it worst than you. I do know what it’s like, I got beaten beyond measure I was naked I was out to shame I was embarrassed I was hanging naked on the cross I was not recognizable my skin was so bad to the point where you can see the insides of my organs.” And I was hush mouth after that. Jesus died for me he died for me so I can live for him. He got the worst punishment. Jesus can relate to us in all aspects. My friend even had a dream and told God why I couldn’t get healed He told her attitude shift. My attitude needs to change my motive of why do I want to get healed needs to change its like a lot needs to change I need to be in alignment with God. It’s silly to tell God “you don’t know how it feels to be in my body” if you a born again Christian HE DOES live inside you. Despite what your going thru Jesus cares for every inch of your life. whatever reason I have these stuff on me, I know God will get glory and it’s not even for me but for others. Stop thinking about yourself that when God does something for you it’s for you, no it’s for others as well and for their faith to be made strong. Don’t feel comfortable at covering your scars your insecurities, don’t be led by your insecurities. My mom always told me wear a long sleeve shirt so nobody sees your skin. It was that depressing. All I can say is trust in Jesus. Yes we all have insecurities that we don’t love. We all have something that we don’t love about ourselves we have to embrace it even when nobody else embraces it. Oh Villard how can you embrace spots how can you embraces sores all over your body? By being free in Jesus. There is freedom in Jesus from sin and any battle that we go thru. Give Jesus your problems and He will give you peace. At first I was emotional almost about to cry, now I feel at peace and a tingling sensation in my Spirit. I have to endure this, I will get healed but it needs to be endured. Blessings to whoever read this till the end I love you. Remember the scripture “by his stripes we are healed” “count it all joy when you fall into various trials” Jesus is more than willing to heal you. Trust in God don’t let your insecurities limit what you want to do in life, don’t let your insecurities lead you away from your purpose, don’t let your insecurities bump you out of the parallelism of your purpose. Don’t let your insecurities make you feel like God don’t love you because He do. But God works in ways we don’t understand. And in ways we can’t comprehend. Trust in Jesus and you will see the outcome of your situation be blessed my loves!